Steps In Overcoming Masturbation

Mark E. Petersen
Council of the 12 apostles
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

Be assured that you can be cured of your difficulty. Many have been, both male and female, and you can be also if you determine that it must be so.

This determination is the first step. That is where we begin. You must decide that you will end this practice, and when you make that decision, the problem will be greatly reduced at once.

But it must be more than a hope or a wish, more than knowing that it is good for you. It must be actually a decision. If you truly make up your mind that you will be cured, then you will have the strength to resist any tendencies which you may have and any temptations which may come to you. After you have made this decision, then observe the following specific guidelines.

A Guide to Self-Control

1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal toilet processes. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company.

2. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, you must break off their friendship. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken out of your mind for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things.

3. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes -- just long enough to bathe and dry and dress and then get out of the bathroom into a room where you will have some member of your family present.

4. When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the most part, dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily touch your vital parts, and so that it would be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those clothes. By the time you started to remove protective clothing you would have sufficiently controlled your thinking that the temptation would leave you.

5. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, get out of bed and go into the kitchen and fix yourself a snack, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining weight. The purpose behind this suggestion is that you get your mind on something else. You are the subject of your thoughts, so to speak.

6. Never read pornographic material. Never read about your problem. Keep it out of mind. Remember -- "First a thought, then an act." The thought pattern must be changed. You must not allow this problem to remain in your mind. When you accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act.

7. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read good books -- Church books -- Scriptures -- Sermons of the Brethren. Make a daily habit of reading at least one chapter of Scripture, preferably from one of the four Gospels in the New Testament, or the Book of Mormon. The four Gospels -- Matthew, Mark, Luke and John -- above anything else in the Bible can be helpful because of their uplifting qualities.

8. Pray. But when you pray, don't pray about this problem, for that will tend to keep it in your mind more than ever. Pray for faith, pray for understanding of the Scriptures, pray for the Missionaries, the General Authorities, your friends, your families, but keep the problem out of your mind by not mentioning it ever -- not in conversation with others, not in your prayers. keep it out of your mind!

The attitude of a person toward his problem has an effect on how easy it is to overcome. It is essential that a firm commitment be made to control the habit. As a person understands his reasons for the behavior, and is sensitive to the conditions or situations that may trigger a desire for the act, he develops the power to control it.

We are taught that our bodies are temples of God, and are to be clean so that the Holy Ghost may dwell within us. Masturbation is a sinful habit that robs one of the Spirit and creates guilt and emotional stress. It is not physically harmful unless practiced in the extreme. It is a habit that is totally self-centered, and secretive, and in no way expresses the proper use of the procreative power given to man to fulfill eternal purposes. It therefore separates a person from God and defeats the gospel plan.

This self-gratifying activity will cause one to lose his self-respect and feel guilty and depressed, which can in the extreme lead to further sinning. As a person feels spiritually unclean, he loses his interest in prayer, his testimony becomes weak, and missionary work and other Church callings become burdensome, offering no joy and limited success.

As one meets with his Priesthood Leader, a program for overcoming masturbation can be implemented using some of the suggestions which follow. Remember it is essential that a regular report program be agreed on, so progress can be recognized and failures understood and eliminated.

Suggestions

1. Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and out lout when the temptations are the strongest.

2. Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. The exercises reduce emotional tension and depression and are absolutely basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing.

3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell STOP to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a pre-chosen Scripture or sing an inspirational hymn. It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge.

4. Set goals of abstinence, begin with a day, then a week, month, year and finally commit to never doing it again. Until you commit yourself to _never again_ you will always be open to temptation.

5. Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved through a changed self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming tempting situations.

6. Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program. Relate this plan to improving your Church service, to improving your relationships with your family, God and others. Strive to enhance your strengths and talents.

7. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and learn to enjoy working and talking to them. Use principles of developing friendships found in books such as How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

8. Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged. These emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a way of escape. Plan in advance to counter these low periods through various activities, such as reading a book, visiting a friend, doing something athletic, etc.

9. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of self control, color the day black. Your goal will be to have no black days. The calendar becomes a strong visual reminder of self control and should be looked at when you are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar up until you have at least three clear months.

10. A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at certain times and under certain conditions. Try and recall, in detail, what your particular times and conditions were. Now that you understand how it happens, plan to break the pattern through counter activities.

11. In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique called aversion therapy. When we associate or think of something very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eating several of them as you do the act.

12. During your toileting and shower activities leave the bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage being alone in total privacy. Take cool brief showers.

13. Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day with an enthusiastic activity.

14. Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking large amounts of fluids before retiring.

15. Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food. Eat as lightly as possible at night.

16. Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and not binding.

17. Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that might create sexual excitement.
18. It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming this problem. A Book of Mormon, firmly held in hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme cases.

19. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half asleep.

20. Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have to be a big reward. A quarter in a receptacle each time you overcome or reach a goal. Spend it on something which delights you and will be a continuing reminder of your progress.

21. Do not let yourself return to any past habit or attitude patterns which were part of your problem. Satan never gives up. Be calmly and confidently on guard. Keep a positive mental attitude. You can win this fight! The joy and strength you will feel when you do will give your whole life a radiant and spiritual glow of satisfaction and fulfillment.

On Racism and Revelations

You see some classes of the human family that are black, uncouth, uncomely, disagreeable and low in their habits, wild, and seemingly deprived of nearly all the blessings of the intelligence that is generally bestowed upon mankind. The first man that committed the odious crime of killing one of his brethren will be cursed the longest of any one of the children of Adam. Cain slew his brother. Cain might have been killed, and that would have put a termination to that line of human beings. This was not to be, and the Lord put a mark upon him, which is the flat nose and black skin. Trace mankind down to after the flood, and then another curse is pronounced upon the same race--that they should be the 'servant of servants;' and they will be, until that curse is removed.
~Brigham Young: President and second Prophet of the Mormon Church, 1844-1877

Many early Mormon Prophets and leaders taught that African Americans, or anyone with darker skin than whites, were born into condemnation due to their poor performance in the pre-existence. In this pre-existence, they “lent an influence to the devil” And displayed a “lack of integrity to righteousness. The origins of this racism lie in the very roots of the church as well as in its scriptures. The Book of Mormon tells us of the Lamanite race and how they received dark skins and a degenerative status as punishment for their sins. In the second book of Nephi the Lord tells us that those with dark skin will be a loathsome people, full of mischief and subtlety. It will only be through repentance that they will be able to overcome their evil ways and become as “white and delightsome” as the Nephites. The church teaches us that we will be punished for our own sins and not for Adams transgressions but interestingly enough black people are being punished for the sins of Cain first and foremost. It was because of these beliefs that black men were unable to hold the priesthood or enter the temple. Brigham Young, the second president of the church made it very clear that “No person having the least particle of Negro blood in them can hold the priesthood”. God’s punishment to anyone who dare intermarry was a separation from the presence of God, a spiritual death.

On June 8th, 1978 the first presidency of the church released a statement stating that through revelation it had been revealed to them that every worthy and faithful man in the church may receive the holy priesthood. A revelation, really? By 1978 the church had come under tremendous scrutiny not only by outside forces but by its own members as well. On January 11, 1963, the President of the Mormon Church surprised the world by announcing that the Church was going to send a mission to Nigeria. By this point the Mormon Church had mission all over the world except in the Negro nations of Africa. But the mission was unable to proceed due to the fact that the Nigerian government viewed the church as racist and refused to grant visas to any Mormon missionaries.

How about that pesky civil rights movement, how was the church going to overcome that one? The apostle Ezra Taft Benson had an answer for that , "The pending ‘civil rights' legislation is, I am convinced, about 10 per cent civil rights and 90 per cent a further extension of socialistic federal controls." Elder Benson said, "It is part of the pattern for the Communist take-over of America" (Deseret News, December 14, 1963). As the civil rights movement marched on though, the church was bombarded with demonstrations, boycotts, and threats. The church came under fire from the NAACP when a 12 year old boy scout was denied a leadership position because he was black. Shortly before Boy Scout officials were to appear before a federal judge on charges of discrimination, the church decided to issue a policy change. Next came the boycotts on the BYU sports teams. College teams from all across the US refused to play BYU until they lifted their racist policy of not letting blacks on any of their sports teams. BYU suffered through years of demonstrations as thousands marched upon the campus. In November of 1969 a minister in Denver, Colorado, called for a boycott of all Mormon goods and discouraged any travel to the state of Utah. In 1976 the church found itself repeatedly embarrassed by one of its own members, who upset over the priesthood ban, ordained a black man into the priesthood. Douglas Wallace was excommunicated for his actions and brought massive media attention to the church’s policies. As things heated up courageous members of the church started demonstrating outside church buildings and refusing to pay their tithing. The final bomb was dropped in the late 70’s when the IRS threatened to cancel the churches non-profit tax exempt status. As pressure mounted against the church and public outcry became to loud to ignore, first counselor Hugh B. Brown went on record as saying, “I doubt that we can maintain or sustain ourselves in the position that we have adopted which has no justification, I think that we are going to have to change out decision on that. I think that this is one of the most serious problems confronting us because it affects millions of colored people.”

The churches history is full of commandments handed down from God, to his modern day prophets, which have later been rescinded due to public outrage. They believe that God’s word is the same yesterday, today and forever, yet God seems almost as persuaded by public opinion as American Idol.

Daughters of Zion

We are told that we are special, that we are beloved daughters of our Heavenly Father. We are put on pedestals and told of our superior spirituality. We are kept protected from the outside world to protect us from the filth that threatens to tarnish our pure and innocent souls. Above everything we are Daughters of our Heavenly Father who loves us and we love him, and we will stand as witnesses of God at all times, in all things and in all places. We spend our childhoods preparing for our role as a wife and mother. We learn to cook, clean, sew and take care of children. We are taught subservience and modesty but most importantly we are warned of the evils of feminism and intellectualism and to never to question the will of Heavenly Father.

The will of Heavenly Father is an interesting thing. How is this will made known? Well it is made know through the mouth of the prophets, the apostles and the leaders of the church. It is made known through the Book of Mormon, a book translated by Joseph Smith. As a child it is made known through your father and after marriage it is made known through your husband who you swear to hearken unto (blindly follow). It is made known through your patriarchal blessing and priesthood blessings. In short it is manifest through the power of the priesthood.

What is the priesthood? We are told that it is the authority to use the power of God to act in God’s name. We are told that it has the power to move mountains, to heal the sick and the afflicted, to bring angels from heaven to administer to men, even to raise the dead. Who does one receive this marvelous power? It is passed down by those who are in authority to righteous members of the church, in this manner it has been passed down from the apostles of Jesus Christ, who received it by His own hands. Then who can receive the priesthood? Well, to be eligible for this honor a person must first be judged worthy to receive it. Well first of they must be keeping the commandments and receive the blessing of their bishop, but secondly and most importantly, they must be a man.

As a woman in the church you will spend your entire life seeking out the will of the Lord through men. You will turn to them for answers, for blessings, for guidance and most importantly you will turn to them when the time comes to have your worthiness judged. You will be dependent on them to baptize you, give you the gift of the Holy Ghost, pull you through the veil in the temple and even in death you must wait for them to take you from the grave. We, who are beloved of the Lord, who are cherished and protected from the world, will spend our entire life communicating with our Father in Heaven circuitously. We will receive his word from the prophet; we will have his gospel explained to us by our priesthood leaders. We will be told that His will regarding our bodies supersedes our own. In essence our course in life will be set by the Father, through fallible men. Our opinions are ignored and invalidated. If our free will runs contrary to what we are told, by the brethren, is God’s design then our agency itself is to be questioned and ostracized – for we must have lost our faith if we do not see the world through the lenses that have been handed down to us. We receive our blessings in life dependent upon this faith and upon our worthiness, worthiness that is determined by the grace of our Prophet, apostles, bishop, councilors, fathers, husbands, brothers and sons.